he is the best now, she's under pressure.

i got a new computer, so i have spent a large portion of time in front of a glowing screen sorting and organizing things, and listening and going through music i have forgotten about.

it is weird how much of an effect music can have on someone. it's ridiculous how it can totally bring you back to what ever time or place you were when you were listening to that song over and over. i don't know if this happens to you guys as strongly as it does me, but it just got me thinking about a lot of things.

i asked my mom if it was bad that i have such a "whimsical life" a few weeks ago. she laughed and said, "definitely not." so, i'm sticking to that.

i'm moving back to DC. i'm excited about it actually. it will be a familiar transition for once! i'm probably getting my old job back, going to my old school to finish up there, and then transfer to the countryside next school year to eventually get my master's. or so goes the plan; who knows what will actually happen. anyway, it's a good start, i think.

as much as i'm looking forward to getting everything together and really putting my life in place exactly the way i want, i really, really don't want to leave germany. i love it here so much. i never thought i'd find a place that i love as much as i love hawaii, but i have to say that germany is definitely a close, close second. europe is a treasure, and coming here for a year is one of the best decisions i've ever made. i could be happy here for the rest of my life, but i can wait for that!

back to thinking about a lot of things, do you guys think part of the human experience or the natural coping mechanism is to lie to yourself? justifying things in your mind makes them easier to deal with at the time, but it always comes crashing down, right? or does it? i've always heard people say, "happiness is a choice" meaning if you act happy then you will eventually be happy. i have been a participant in this philosophy and find it to be true really. i have advised other people i've come in contact with that have gotten really down on themselves or in just a seasonal funk of discontentment to try this as well to some success. but there is probably a difference in changing one's attitude about a situation than trying to change a bad circumstance by saying it's a good one. one is an attitude, & one is situational. i'm probably rambling, but i don't like being a victim of my emotions. i'd like to think i'm clearheaded & am able to look a situation objectively, but who knows.

so, this isn't poetic and maybe it's self absorbed or something, but it's just some things i've been thinking about!

this man is magical!